|The path splits into many forks, but I can't see where they go
||[Dec. 2nd, 2014|04:55 pm]
As 2014 draws to a close, I find myself at one of those moments where one questions his choices in life and things that used to fill me with purpose and joy now don't.
For example, I used to do stage acting. But I'm at a point now where I don't find it fulfilling at the level I've been doing it, but I've been unsuccessful in getting regular work at the next level. I did one Equity show in 2006 and have been unable to get cast in anything Equity since then. Either I just don't get cast when I am asked to come in and read, or I can't do it because it interferes with my day job. Semi-pro just doesn't pay enough (for example, costs in excess of $500 in gas over three months for a $150 stipend) and community theater doesn't pay at all. I've already gone inactive in SAG-AFTRA so I don't have that outlet for the moment, either.
Now, I've been told that acting isn't about the money, that we do it for love, which is true, but sometimes, you need to pay bills more than you need the love. There are Equity actors I know who do what they call "eating jobs" which means doing a role that doesn't stretch you as an actor but you're getting a decent paycheck doing it.
I used to do a lot of filking, too, but these days I can't work up much enthusiasm for it any longer. I figured this out last month when I had to cancel going to a convention and I wasn't sad or disappointed. I figure if I'm having that kind of reaction, maybe I should just stop doing it.
The thing is, I still have many friends who act and do filk, and I don't want to just fall off the planet, never to be seen again. But right now, I'm looking at 2015 and wondering what to do with myself. I see many roads ahead of me, but I don't see them clearly and I'm hoping to find some clarity soon.